After another visit to see my grandfather in the hospital, I feel buoyed. He's doing better, in spirit at least. My grandmother is pleased with his progress. I had some quality time with my family that I don't normally get to have. It's the silver lining in this dark cloud.
As the recessional at our wedding, I chose the song "When I'm 64" by the Beatles. It was viewed by everyone in my family as a strange choice, but I felt like it was fitting. We promised to take care of each other until we cease to be, and I think that's the most important aspect of our marriage. We guard our hearts against infidelity, we guard each other's feelings ferociously. We take care to respect each other, even when we argue... we fight for one another's happiness. When we're in a similar situation as my grandparents find themselves in right now, I hope and pray that we can handle it with as much grace and courage.
I came home from being out of town tonight to find my husband asleep on the couch. When I'm away, I have a certain level of anxiety that I deal with until I am home again. Most people say that it goes away with time, that its a symptom of being a newlywed. I'm expected to start coveting time away and dreading coming home, I guess. I have no idea if they're right, but for now I love the feeling of coming home to someone who waits for me to be there to complete the circle of our tiny family here. I kiss his forehead and say "Please, never get old and sick."
"Okay." he says. "I'll never get old."
But I know in my heart, deep in the nucleus of all my cells, that I will still need him, I will still feed him, when I'm 64. I wouldn't have made all those crazy promises otherwise.
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