I work as a waitress and I'm 29 years old. In my head, this sentence comes out like something you would admit in AA. Something shameful that you hide from the world. I try to avoid talking about my livelihood if I can, since waiting tables is supposed to be something that you do to get yourself through college. I'm already through college. I have no excuses.
I can't lie, the flexibility in schedule is wonderful. Also, I get to sleep around 10 hours a night, which is a luxury that I am loathe to forfeit. It has very limited perks, one of the most important being that it matches my skill set in a way that my college degree can't: you can't excel at Organizational Management when you hate managing people.
As an adult, I am good at very little. It's hard for us to admit that we are not the blank canvasses that our parents told us that we were. At some point, you just have to realize that you are not going to be an astronaut, you have acid reflux and have grown soft in the middle. I keep telling myself that after the wedding and honeymoon, as soon as I get back home I am going to look for a respectable desk job, one that I won't be embarrassed to talk about. In reality, I dread this.
I thought it might be helpful to compile a list of things that I am good at, which have no practical value in the workforce.
*I'm very good at drawing wild animals in a slightly scary/childish way.
Sometimes my boss at the restaurant asks me to draw him a hippopotamus when he's having a bad day. I can also draw giraffes, elephants, platypuses, chickens and snails. I mostly do this for the amusement of children and coworkers who have nothing to do.
*I write small books for my friends about their adventures in the world.
Usually I accompany these tiny books with pictures to accompany the story. The books are usually about how I'm sorry for insulting/degrading the person unintentionally, but sometimes they're about happier things. I try to make them funny, because people generally can't stay mad at you for degrading/insulting them if they're laughing.
*I can sew very basic things.
Like buttons. I am very proud of how I can sew a button or mend a sock. I can also make really dumb things like pillows and pajama pants and skirts. Nothing fancy. You can't make a living of it, for sure.
*I tell stories to my 5-year-old nephew that he seems to enjoy.
Sometimes even the imagination of children needs to be jump-started. Most stories that kids hear are about dogs or sharing or other boring stuff, so it helps to hear something outside of the box. I'm sure that this skill has an expiration date; by the time he's 6 years old he'll be over it.I also sometimes have a hard time coming up with material that is age appropriate and not terrifying.
*I make really good spaghetti.
It's true.
So there you have it- my list of things that I do well, yet can't possibly make a living excelling at them. I'm also very good at being poor, which is fortunate.
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